This morning I finally woke up early enough to hurry down to the beach to buy some fresh hand made tortillas. Along the way I passed a bunch of white skinny leg birds standing at the mouth of the river where it meets the ocean having their breakfast, some black and white skinny leg birds hanging around on the beach, a bunch of buzzards having their morning meeting-or so it always appears-and a few dogs. I passed my egg lady friend from upriver and after our holas and feliz ano nuevos established that whoo hoo she has eggs and so that will be my outing for tomorrow.
I arrived at the tortilla lady’s place. It was closed and she doesn’t live here anymore so no more fresh ground handmade tortillas. Oh well I’ ll have to get them from the store. At least this foray got me out early with a good walk along the beach. Finally my feet aren’t so tender as I walk deliberately on the rougher sand. Got to toughen up while I can.
I went home to finish my pot of tea, enjoy the ocean/beach/ jungle view and activity. I am forever filtering what this journey is about this time. What is my personal evolution and how does it fit into the bigger picture of our collective experience on Ms. Gaia at this point in time. As I chip away at my former self so who I am becoming has her space to emerge, my ‘needs’ surface. What do I need at this time in my life? What doesn’t serve me anymore. What thoughts need ‘deleting’, what thoughts need affirming. What new thoughts need creating?
One that loomed out at me this morning is to ‘fine tune the truth.’ It’s been a combination of living a reality that I just seemed to almost inherit, a struggle for survival within that reality and the constant urge to manifest something other. But now what do I really need and want my life to be? What is the truth of my life and it’s evolving path? Could this be the next corner of the puzzle?
Like many women we accepted. We are the receptive gender. We allow, receive and accept. But what you accept perhaps doesn’t always serve your best interest. You receive then get lost in the maintenance and unfolding and are stuck in a reality that isn’t of the truth. But the truth of what? Of course that has many levels.
I am starting to pursue the path of it’s time to fine tune truths that I find sitting in my mind and existence.
Fine tuning could mean levels of personal dysfunctions that I need to see and let go of. Or these truths may be that it’s time to honor feelings and allow them to be born and come out of hiding. But acknowledging them first seems to be my first step.
Another thought for my life is to direct it onto a path of success. That is a very loaded concept, but as someone who just let her life be blown by the winds, I am discovering that it is time to take the reigns and gallop onto the path of success. Deciding what that means or looks like is part of fine tuning my truth. A truthful successful life! Wow! What would that look like? Can I consciously be the architect and builder too?
As I sit on this deck and watch the brightness of the sun come up and illuminate the ocean shores, watch the emerald green turquoise waves roll, some boats traverse the bay, and absorb the beauty in front of me, my first truth today is to offer gratitude that somewhere inside of me my truthful yearning for something different and better than the North American lifestyle brought me here. If only for a moment in time, but for that moment I have been and am surrounded by the truth of the rhythms of the natural world and she is my teacher. That I honored this inner truth, created the resonance that lead me here and brings me back. It helps me to understand what this soulful path is about. It first starts with an inner knowing-the ‘truth’- this filters into my conscious mind which then takes the steps to bring it into reality. Becoming comfortable and familiar with that inner knowing, I feel, is the foundation. Bringing forth that inner truth becomes easy for the conscious mind when that inner knowing is clear. But your inner truth, well it takes some practice to become familiar with her and that it not be originating from your ego mind. It s a thought and feeling wrapped up in one, but tugs at the heart of who you are until you smile at her in your heart and embrace her with the love and gentleness of a new born baby.
Puzzle corner # 3.